I’ve always believed that love is the key to life. It’s what makes the world go ‘round, and it’s all we really need. My heart was always too big, and filled with so much love for other people, and not enough for myself. A lot of heartache and tragedy could have been avoided if I’d simply loved myself a little more. It sounds easy, but it’s an exremely difficult thing for most people. It took me 28 years to actually fall in love with myself. Before that, I was completely destroyed, and had to rebuild myself from the ground up. It wasn’t until I did, that I found someone else who could love me just as much. I found a strong man that could handle my chaos, my neediness, and all the fire inside me. Someone I could share my naked soul with; who didn’t run from the scars of my traumatic past. For the longest time I waited; thinking that Prince Charming was going to come rescue me. But life isn’t a fairy tale, and I was not a damsel in distress. I rescued myself and it wasn’t until then, that I was ready to meet a man who treated me like the queen I always was. A warrior who stood beside me, and supported me while I continued to heal and grow of my own accord. True intimacy is having someone who knows every little thing about us, and accepts us exactly as we are. Someone who loves us in spite of all our imperfections, and allows us to be unapologeticly ourselves. When we have a safe space where we can be completely open and honest about who we are, and what we want, the most amazing things happen.
Falling in love with him was unbelievably easy. It felt like finally coming home after a long, and difficult journey. The Buddhists say that when we meet our ‘soul mate’ we will feel calm, no anxiety, no agitation. The night we met was pure magic. We bonded over Tom Petty songs and more laughter than I’ve ever known. His presence calmed my soul, and I realized I could finally stop holding my breath. I’ve never had to fight another battle alone.
We are far from perfect, but the perfect marriage doesn’t exist. He’s Type A and a little OCD, and I’m a free spirit who just likes to have fun. He’s very logical, and I lead with my heart. Sometimes we balance each other very well, and other times things blow up. However, we always communicate, compromise, and resolve our issues right away. I’m not afraid to speak my truth. We may not always agree, but we always respect each other’s thoughts and feelings and find our way through to the other side. We often get so caught up in our hectic, day-to-day lives, that we forget how incredible it is that we found each other in this world. We lose sight of how amazing it is that after all these years, we still like hanging out with each other, every damn day. There honestly isn’t anyone else on the planet that I could spend this much time with!